How I Got Over My Damn Self and Became My Own Best Friend

Throughout my teens and into adulthood I’ve experienced periods of time where I’ve felt super lost, alone and quite terrified. With this has come responsibilities and problems which I’ve not always dealt with (in complete honesty I have dodged the shit out of them, not even deciding to deal with them later, simply hoping they would fuck right off) which has led to an invisible weight settling itself on my chest, getting a tiny bit heavier each day

Along with this came self sabotage, self harm, extreme emotions and a general dislike for myself as a person. Now the important part is this became my normal way of life. I’d rationalise it by telling myself I’m just going through a rough patch, things will get better. But guess what?! Nothing will ever get better until you admit there is a problem.

And mentally that is hard as fuck because you know, you just know the amount of time and real work this will take to start improving your life and you just simply aren’t mentally strong enough to deal with that right now. You might fight against this for a while longer and come up with a million reasons why you can’t begin the journey of self healing because we all know the saying is true….you can lead a bad ass to water but you can’t make them strip off and jump in….oh wait. You catch my drift though, you can’t help someone who doesn’t admit there is actually something wrong and who protects with as much ferocity as a lioness defending her really fucked up cubs Fear, Negativity and Paranoia.

When those closest to me, who I respect, love and fucking cherish I have tried to help me, I’ve pushed them as far as possible, going full blown defence mode. How misguided I must be to defend these behaviours but when you’re in that place you tell yourself “This is me, this is who I am, deal with it!”. But it’s not me. All of this has come about because in all honestly I don’t know who I am and have been letting my temper tantrum prone, completely insane inner child have the driving seat for too long.

Getting over myself is never going to be quick fix. I know this will take a lot of patience, kindness and time and after all that it will need to be continuously worked on. Something my Dad said to me once really struck a chord and has stayed with me.

“Happiness is not an end goal.”

He’s right, it’s a continuous, permanent flow of time and energy we need to give ourselves to ensure we are in the right place for what we need and want out of our life.

When you become more in tune with your own needs, you become more open to recognising things that could help you heal, be more motivated, relaxed, whatever it is you are trying to do for yourself. Currently on my journey I have been listening and talking to my friends and family, reading a shit tonne of books ‘n’ blogs, listening to self-love/belief podcasts, watching vlogs and documentaries of people who have struggled with their selves but have got over it to improve their lives and several things have really jumped out at me.

One of the hardest parts when trying to understand and love yourself more can be catching and checking yourself when negative thoughts or behaviours start to creep in. Below are some of the mantras I start speaking or thinking whenever I start feeling myself slip:

  • “We are all at different stages of our journey so comparing ourselves to others is futile” – Anon“You have nothing to be sorry for” – All my family and friends every time I lash out and say something I didn’t mean“A negative mind will NEVER give you a positive life.” – Anon

“A negative mind will NEVER give you a positive life.” – Anon

  • “You are enough” – The Universe

  • “My philosophy is that worrying means you suffer twice” – Newt Scamander, Fantastic Beasts

  • “You are the centre of your world, where we all orbit around you. You can either be a beautiful nebula or a black hole*” – Paraphrased from Fergus King
  • “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love someone else? Can I get an amen up in here?!” – The Qween Ru Paul

  • “One. Day. At. A. Fucking. Time.” – Danger King

I’m still in the early stages of this new chapter in my life and discovering who I am, what I want to do, where I want to go and basically falling in love with myself. I am finding a big pull back to my younger days of working with crystals, tarot reading and connecting more deeply with my own power and intuition.

We can create so much background noise to distract us from the issues we need to deal with. This weekend I am taking myself away from my everything – my family, my friends, my life to try and get the out of control train that was my life back on the tracks of stability at a much more mellow and pleasant speed, starving the fire further of self doubt, pity and rage and replacing it with love, compassion and control.

We owe it to our own happiness to take the time we need to truly love, understand and care for the person we are, working out the kinks and allowing for hiccups as we go.

*disclaimer – I love space, planets, nebulas, spaceships and aliens, I think they are really f*king cool! However, I have no clue if planets can even orbit nebulas but I’m guessing you don’t either because space is freaking HUUUUGGGGEEEEE so somewhere maybe there is a Danger nebula, we just simply do not know.

Garry Boater X – why you should be there next year!

This is my third year at the Garry Boater Cross (X) second year competing and I’m here to tell you why you should be signing up for next year’s race!

The Organisers

Before I start talking on anything else, big shout out needs to go to everyone who helps make this event a success.  Daryn Hubbucks and Kev Barclay have been running the events since 2012 (I believe), supported by Gavin Miller and Howard Aspinall. The amount of effort they put in clearly shows in the smooth running and excellence of the event.  There is so much work put in behind the scenes from t-shirt’s ordering to organising running order, ferrying about podiums, arranging prizes and trophies, ensuring everyone is looked after on and off the water and about a million other things, as well as, competing in the event itself!  The guys’ whole families get involved and without these wonderful people events like this would not be possible.  Thank you!! 

It’s thanks to Kev, Daryn, Howard, Gav and friends that these events are such a success.

The Location

The past few years’ people have stayed in Cumbernauld’s Campsite in the town of Fort Augustus. It’s a beautiful town with only a few pubs and some really quaint wee shops including a wee jewellery shop called Iceberg Glass where they blow stunning glass creations like the Jelly Fish pendants I’m currently coveting.  People are very friendly and it’s not too far from the Garry.

The Set-Up

The setup is perfect.  If you arrive Friday afternoon as a lot of folk do you will congregate somewhere on the campsite to help draw names from a hat (plastic bag!) to see who you will be racing in the first heat.  Depending on how you place in the first race will determine your placing in the next race until your final where there is everything to play for because everyone has the chance to place on the podium for your heat.

Male champions Michael Brown, Gavin Miller and Ewan Campbell took 1st, 2nd and 3rd at this year’s event

The People and Atmosphere

This year there were 17 women and 42 men racing and it was glorious.  I was feeding off the energy that everyone was exuding, trying to calm people’s nerves and generally having a great time with everyone I met.  Everyone is honestly so supportive and the atmosphere is addictive.  When you’re nor racing you spend some time on the ‘cheering rock’ in the gorge of the bridge at the finish line, shouting words of encouragement to your fellow participants, inspiring them across that finish line!

Mulling around between heats (c) Linda Stewart

The Race

The race starts at 12 and is every hour after this.  When I took part in the race last year I was sh**ting myself.  I always seemed to put pressure on myself to do well, despite not having trained or even having the desire to race competitively.

Ride that wave (c) Linda Stewart

Coming back a year later I had managed my own expectations and had two ambitions.  To go as fast as I possibly could and to stay upright because I knew a capsize would place me out of the race.  Of course it is competitive as it’s a race but everyone plays fair and I’ve never had any problems myself with any of the other racers.  As soon as the whistle or shout ‘Go!’ is sounded everything else turns off and you race your wee heart out as fast as you can, trying to avoid a tussle that could slow you down!  Once in the gorge you use the flow to catch your breath before powering it down the rest of the course to a cheering finish line.

(c) Linda Stewart, GBX 2017

The prizes

Everyone who enters of volunteers on the day recieved a goody bag with a Garry Boater X t-shirt, stickers, juice, packet of crisps and a chocolate bar.  There is always a raffle of some kind at the end using bibs to choose a lucky winner and most of the podium placed winners receive a small prize of some sort.  This particular year the trophies were out of this world created by Jennifer Hartnett and I am beyond stoked to have one sitting on my sideboard at home!

Stoked and disbelieving Danger

The After Party

This year’s after party was not as legendary as previous years as the council have upped the licence costs of local businesses in the area and the Campsite staff couldn’t afford to open the Campsite Bar/BBQ as before, however, that didn’t stop most of us having a boogie and beer underneath a gazeebo in the Campsite grounds, with some attempting a mini pub crawl around Fort Augustus.  Hopefully we’ll be back to normal next year but safe to say the people make the party anyway.

Well deserved pints in our GBX 2017 tees

If you are having reservations about entering please don’t! This event is completely accessible to everyone no matter how long you’ve been paddling. An example of this at both Garry Boater X and Tully X this year was Andreana Caldwell entering and competing after only paddling a couple of months. She felt supported and energised by the events and would also recommend to everyone!

Andreana crossing the finish line at Garry Boater X 2017

Remember you can do your bit by sharing the Garry Boater X and Tully X events, offering assistance to the guys (as I’m sure there are numerous jobs they’d love help with) and simply signing up to give it a bash, ensuring it’s continued success!  See you all July 2018 

Hugs aplenty! Suzy and Danger (c) Linda Stewart

Astral TR1 Junction Review

Astral TR1 Junction W’s

  • Size UK7
  • Colour: Deep Water Navy
  • Price: £107.50 RRP

Ferg had two pairs or Astrals before I decided I wanted in on the action too.  The first pair of kayaking shoes I put some thought into and purchased were the Palm Gradient boots.  My main reason for this was the fact they were grippy and sturdy boots for all the slippy walk ins and winter boating.  However, they weren’t ‘Danger’ grippy as I am quite heavy footed and still fall about all over the shop, and the top of the boot has peeled away after a little over a year’s use.

My next pair of shoes were the NRS Crush Water shoes.  At the start I loved these shoes, however, about 3 months in the stitching started to come away on one of the shoes and they have a hole.  I do still wear them boating but no longer out and about.

Now on to the Astrals!  When I first got them I was blown away by how stunning they were!   Something I should mention is that I have weird wide yet short fee and men’s shoes are my go to when buying any sort of sports shoes or trainers but I took a leap of faith on the Astrals and I’m really stoked I did!

The fit is perfect for my foot, nothing pinches and I feel like my foot has the room it needs for both balance and maximum comfort.  I feel like I’ve put the shoe through its paces on both dry land and on the river.  I have used them for light hiking and for a couple of gnarly walk-ins with moveable rock and can confirm the grip is superior to any trial running shoes I’ve owned.  In water the shoe comes into its own.  Shouldering my boat and walking across rocks I felt confident my feet were staying where I planted them.  

I have actually enjoyed going out my way to pick slippy and uneven surfaces simply to see how far the G Rubber, Balanced Geometry™ Technology (or ‘sticky shoes’) can go and to date no falls yet (well, due to the shoes anyway)!


  • Comfortable lightweight shoe
  • Stunning look and lots of lovely details
  • Comes in 3 different colours
  • Grippy af sole – no more falling!


  • I can envisage some having an issue with cost, however, as listed above you are getting first-rate quality and high performing product

I look after these shoes well, taking the insoles out and rinsing them before drying them out as I enjoy getting to wear them out and about this summer.  Time will tell how they hold up and I’ll be sure to add to the review in a few months to let you know how they do.

I can’t say for definate but owning Astrals may help your ability to handstand…

All in all I would thoroughly recommend these shoes not just because Astral has demonstrated a commitment to creating high quality, great looking  products but they also strive to do so  in the most ethical and environmentally friendly way.  They’ve made a promise to their customers and the world to always put ‘#NatureFirst’ and I think that’s pretty f**king cool!

Kayaking the Stunning Soča

We finally got to see for ourselves the absolutely stunning scenery, rivers and people of Slovenia. 

The Drive: We travelled through Scotland, England, France, Belgium, Germany, Austria, Italy and into Slovenia!  It was a bit of an epic journey and we did get held up in traffic a lot in Germany due to a Long weekend, everyone was travelling somewhere nice for a day or two.  After about 24 hours driving, getting stuck in yet another jam we made a snap decision to pull off in Nuremburg, a quick scan of had is in a cheap hotel within minutes, showered, changed and out and about, stretching our legs and filling our bellies with pizza and beer! 

Early night for all and an epic sleep occurred.  Back on the road the approx. 5 hour journey to Bovec took a good 8 hours but we were here and the memories of the drive melted away.

All present and accounted for!

Day 1

Otona – Kobarid  (2 / 4)

What a day!  Through our pal Mat who was part of the 7 strong group we got to paddle with the Team Pyranha man himself Rok Rozman.  I usual Danger fashion I wasn’t really up to speed on what was happening and who we were meeting until we arrived at the get in.  There we were greeted by Rok and a lovely woman called Irene who had kindly turned up to run shuttle!  

Ronnie caught me doing something right!

We organised ourselves and started the long walk down to the river.  It’s really steep and maybe takes about 15 minutes but it most definitely is worth it.  When we finally emerged at the bottom, shaky and sweaty from the exertion we were greeted by the stunning blue/green water of the Soča and oh yeah a Grade 4 rapid!  Despite perhaps desiring a gentler paddle for day 1 on the Soča we were quick to start gearing ourselves up for more of a challenging run.  Rok was absolutely amazing at leading us down the section.  He allowed us to read and run most of it and advised when there was a particular drop or rapid which perhaps required more care.  From the moment we got on, tackled the first rapid, we were eddy hopping and boofing our way down this amazing section of river.  

Rok front looping a Machno

We also got to see Rok front loop (almost) a Machno and it was the best thing ever.  Not only is Rok a mega babe and an amazing kayaker, he was like the nicest guy ever and we were all super stoked to have him with us on the river.  At the get out there was a race ramp which had been built and some of the guys went for a blast and we then clambered up to the Campsite get out.  By the time we got there Rok had bought us all beers and he had firmly set himself up as the coolest guy on the planet.

The gang with Rok

After a couple of beers and soaking up the sunshine Rok said his goodbyes and told us of some cool waterfalls to go and look at, which we did.  It was about a half hour walk away and was well worth a visit.  I had a little swim with a couple of the others but be warned, it’s freezing!

Exploring the freezing pool

Day 2

Srpenica 1 – Tronovo 2 (2/3/4)

After a breakfast of fresh pastries we got from a friendly bakers next door to the Pivovarna Union Bar and super strong coffee we headed off to the get on at Srpenica 1.  After a bit of umming and ahhing we drove to Trnovo 1 as we were unsure where the Slalom actually ended before Siphon Canyon started.  I can confirm if you park at Tronovo 2 this is at the bottom of the Slalom course.  There is a final eddy about 100 feet or so from where Siphon canyon begins.  The entry to Siphon canyon is marked by two huge bits of rock (which look like an old structure of some kind) and the river channels between these. 

Ferg getting air on grade 3 section

At the get on the river starts mellow and wide with a few waves and rock splats to be had.  Soon enough you are coming around a slight bend in the river and the fun begins!  Pour overs, waves and whirly eddy lines make for a fun read and run section which is the flavour for the rest of the run down to the start of the slalom.  This was where the fun really started!  We scouted from the river to make sure we knew where we were getting out and to see if there was anything to avoid.  The first run down was pretty stop and start, I took a load of eddies to see where I was to go next and settle my nerves.  There were big waves, a few drops and some more technical twisty moves but all in a whole lot of fun!  

Ronnie chasing me down the Slalom!

We went back up to do another run and this time Ferg announced it was a “Fast is Fun” run and we all shot off!  Minimal eddies were had and we all blasted down, boofing, capsizing and whooping the whole way!  It was a bit of a rush and I was pleased to find my Axiom really took to being driven fast.  For the rest of the trip I reminded myself to look ahead more, avoid eddies whenever possible and keep the boat moving.

Day 3

Camp Soča to Tronovo 2 (2/3/4)

A misty, thundery and cooler day on the Soča.  

Levels had dropped but were on the way up with the rain coming in.  We decided to do a longer run down from Camp Soča to the Slalom course.  A varied day with a lot of grade 2 sections but there were a few interesting sections to be bagged.  Near the top there was a grade 4 gorge section, which I, after executing the perfect entry, missed a stroke on and ended up having some down time but I was stoked I eventually managed to roll up!  The rest of the river after this was read and run with long sections of grade 2.  We kept the pace on because most of us were in shorty cags and the day was cooler.  

Ferg nailing the line into gorge

When we got to Srpenica we started to recognise the river again and decided it had risen a bit with the rain which had started coming on quite heavy.  By the time we got to the Slalom the rain was lashing!  We blasted down again but I will tell you, the boils on the eddie lines were far more turbulent and keeping the power on was key!  By the time we got to the bottom I was shaking from adrenaline and tiredness!  It had been a long day, I’d had a ball but I was ready for that beer!

Day 4

Kortnica to Cezsoča (2/3/4)

A new day and for the first time in 3 days a new river!  With all the rain that had come over night the Koritnica had shot up but was falling fast.  We got up and on as quickly as we could (which wasn’t that quick to be honest!) and on this new river.  As soon as we were on we were in it! A wee boulder garden led into a twisty turny section before the gorge.  

Ronnie in the narrow gorge

This was awesome because after entering the gorge it kept getting narrower and narrower until you were sure it would not be wide enough for a boat until you were spat out round a corner!  A mix of small drops and boulder gardens followed until the river joined the Soča at Vodenca.  We had run the section below this on the first day and as  we continued down talked about how much pushier the river was!  

Ferg ear dips above Slalom

At the get out I decided to call it a day and ran shuttle for those who wanted to get back on the Spernica and Slalom sections at Medium.   

Ronnie on medium Slalom (c) Mat Wilkinson


Sperenica 1 to Tronovo 1

The second to last day was a mixed bag for me.  I was off to a shaky start, really feeling the weeks paddling and drinking taking its toll.  I was ready to get off after the first run and a short swim, however, was convinced to give it another bash and so glad I did!

Alfie hugs a rock

My runs down were poles apart and I was comfortable, decisive and controlled.  

Being brutal on my second run down…

When I got to the campsite I decided not to run anything else and Ferg and I went up to the beer garden instead!  Drinking beer in the sun and eating Marlenka honey cake while talking about the weeks exciting moments was perfect. 

Taps aff for this stud! Mr Tom (c) Mat Wilkinson

After the others got back we headed back to the apartment to get ready for our outing to one of the local restaurants ‘Guesthouse Martinov’.  The food was stunning but the head waiter/owner really made it a memorable experience!

Day 6

Otona to Kobarid (2/3/4)

Last day!! We went back to where it all started and got onto a slightly higher than first day section.

Alfie runs first rapid on Otona section

It was a lot pushier and grabbier and we all mused about how we were glad we’d been down previously with Rok or I’d have been getting out to scout all over the shop.  I had a couple of capsizes but also the quickest roll I’ve ever done in my life! I think this was my favourite day but it was really hard to choose because each day had something awesome to it.  

At the bottom there was the most amazing surf wave which I kept going back on because it was perfect!  I think my grin gave away how much fun I was having and too soon we were heading for the get out.   At the get out I found out (after huffily putting off for months because ya know, I can’t do it) I sulkily went to do a handstand to show everyone how much I could not do them, to find myself still in a handstand 5 seconds later, unsure how to get down…

Team celebratory handstands!

We headed back to Bovec to pick up the slackline and supplies before heading to a park to play for the rest of the afternoon, visiting souvenir shops on the way back down to the villa.  We packed and headed off after dinner to start the long journey back home.  

Playing in our last day

One tip for you when you get the vignette in Austria it might not look it but it has a peel off bit which you take off and stick to the window.  Do this as we got pulled by Austrian police on the way out because it wasn’t displayed properly.  They were cool about it but warned us it could have been a fine.  We drove through the night and had a couple of brief stops before stopping in Brussels for the day.  A beautiful if not expensive city I would recommend a visit to.

36 hours after leaving Slovenia we arrived home.  A quick nap and breakfast later we were on the Leny for a blast down as it’d be raining at home all week!  No need to waste a day sleeping when your local run is on.

In summary, Slovenia is an amazing country to kayak in, the scenery is some of the most beautiful I’ve ever seen, the weather is amazing, it’s cheap and everyone we met were super lovely.  The river has something for every level of kayaker.  If it had of rained constantly there were still options and wold have brought more tribs into play.  There is plenty of things to do in the surrounding areas too so you’d never be stuck.  I would definitely go back in the future and if you would like to quiz me on certain sections or have any questions please get in touch.

Palm Horizon Womens Shorts Reviewed

Palm Horizon Womens Shorts

RRP: £64.95

Colour: Aqua

Size: W/L (UK14)

I’m still getting used to the fact that women’s kayaking clothes seem to fit rather easily now and I was super stoked when my Palm Shorts arrived.  The initial fit was good, Neoprene waist band fits snuggly across the stomach and hips, helping keep the shorts in place, but we all know how paddling down a river and jumping in and out a boat can twist and pull at clothing…

Well I can confirm, for me, this did not happen with these shorts.  Once they’re on, the movement is minimal and even after a swim my shorts were still firmly in place!  The fleece liner was warm and soft on my legs and thankfully not too tight against the skin.  It can get quite sweaty if you’re sitting around in the heat after a paddle but they definitely keep me warm enough on the ice melt rivers I’ve had them on so far!

The outside windproof shell looks good and fits the thighs and bum well.  My only criticism on this is the rigidity of the outside shell, however, I’ve been told this will soften with wear


  • Excellent Fit and shape
  • Doesn’t ride up or down when kayaking             
  • Looks great on
  • Comfortable fleece liner 
  • Value for money


  • Rigid outside shell
  • Only comes in one colour

I would recommend these shorts and hope in the future Palm will offer a few more colours to chose from


That time I got a Dagger Axiom

After ordering my Dagger Axiom 8.5 from North East Kayaks and Paddles and waiting a few weeks for the ‘custom’ colour to be ready it finally arrived and is stunning!

My beautiful Axiom a really friendly kitten

Personally I’m really not a fan of the wavey two tone stripe on the boats and love the clean look of the boat in a block colour.  The colour is a buttery, strong yellow, a bit deeper than sunshine but not as dark as mustard, therefore she is called ‘Buttercup’!

When I got the boat home I set about outfitting the boat.   The foot plate in the Axiom is brilliant with adjustment screws which you loosen to move and angle the ‘foot cups’ to fill the space.  I adjusted the rail and positioned the foot cups roughly so I could get on with cutting the foam wedge to size and placed some small airbags behind the foot cups. 

Netflix and outfitting is now a thing…

Dagger have provided quite a lot of foam to help you outfit the boat.  I started with the with foam wedges that had Velcro attached to the back, placed in and cut to size, before overlaying with the foam pad which has the raised circles.  Although it comes with a peel off sticky sheet, I applied glue to the sheet before sandwiching together and I also removed the Velcro strips, aligned to where the strips are on the foot cups and reattached (with glue) to the back of the foam, waiting 24 hours then simply placing them in the foot cups ensuring the Velcro was stuck together.  I did move the rail back one when I had placed the foam in, but I would have needed to remove the foam and adjust the foot cups if I wanted to move further.

With the rest of the outfitting I didn’t have to do much apart from tightening the back band and moving the seat a couple notches forward which were all extremely easy tasks.  After our recent trip to Wales I did decide to insert a seat booster shim as I felt a bit too low in the boat.  All in all this has been the first boat I’ve actually enjoyed outfitting as it has been relatively straight forward and quite intuitive.

Surfing like a boss

My first outing with Buttercup was on the Awe, getting to grips with tailies and surfing a couple of waves.  Despite having a grapefruit sized lump on my bum due to a skating crash earlier in the week, we took the boats to Tryweryn for the weekend as it really was an ideal river to try a bit of everything (and there is like NO RAIN!!).    By the end of the day I was surfing, boofing, attempting slalom gates and eddy hopping my way down the river, exploring new lines with confidence.  It also means I am now not only an active (and most hilarious) member in the “North East Kayaks Crew” I have now become eligable to enter into the “Axiom Division” which is currently three strong and growing! 

Ronnie “Shop Goddess” Edwards, Danger “Head Rudder” King and Fergus “Tailies for Days” King.

I knew from previous trips in an Axiom that it is a fast boat and think this will do wonders for dialling in timings for those strokes and moves, without having to be as concerned with forward paddling to gain speed.  I’m looking forward to refining my skill set on the river, as well as getting monster tailies!


That time Facebook stole my name.

Names are important.  They can help build our character, shape our identity and provide us with a way to always start a conversation with a stranger.  Names can also change over time and won’t necessarily relate to the name provided to you at birth.

Likelihood is you won’t just have one name.  Nicknames, pet names, joke names I have dished out a fair few to my nearest and dearest at one point in time… Fergatron, Tom Tom, E, Smell, Grumpy Gus, Do Ron Ron, Huffy Puff…the list does go on and will grow and probably become more annoying to my friends but part of them surely experiences a tiny jolt of pleasure from the homage.

Think about how it feels when your significant other calls you by that name, the one that naturally appeared one day and, when first spoken, filled you with deep and comforting warmth which spread around your body.  The one that can be used in times of stress to calm, to top the already finest day with a bright red cherry of love and which now encompasses so much of your togetherness that thinking about it too hard could lead to ugly happy tears.

Now think about your own name.  For some this will be an extremely straightforward question but for others?  Well for others it can take a bit more time to arrive to an honest answer.  I’ve always been uncomfortable with my full name…“Danielle”.  To date the only people to ever use this name are stubborn family members, my parents if I was in trouble (“DANN-EEE-YELL!!”), doctors, dentists, teachers who hated me, strangers and my close friends who know how much I hate it (I’m looking at you Cunty)! 

For most of my life I have been known as Dani but for the past 8 years a new name has followed me around.  Danger Mouth was my chosen name when I started playing Roller Derby and has become cemented into my history by the most wonderful group of fearless women, supportive men and life changing experiences.  An overwhelming sense of belonging and acknowledgement I hadn’t realised I yearned for until I was immersed in this new world.  My newly found confidence and budding self-belief enabled me to start living a life that was mine, which I built and this saturated my new name with so much strength, joy, understandings and acceptance that it holds the power to conjure these feelings when I’m perhaps not feeling worthy as I should.

So when Facebook sent me a notification that someone had reported me for posing as someone I was not on the social networking platform I was little hurt but confident I could clear up the confusion. How wrong was I?  Facebook sent a pleasant email with lots of examples of proofs you can send, reassuring you that this can be things like library cards, official letters, bank statements, utility bills and does not need to be official government documentation, but does need to be the name you use in everyday life.  I stupidly provided my passport the first time round, assuming there would be scope for a justification of why I was Danger King and that I needed the name as no one knows who this Danielle person is. WRONG! They changed my name to reflect my passport in 3 mins, despite my protests that this was not an authentic name.  I was honestly 100% gutted.

Visiting Facebook or any of the many apps I use connected to the network (Netflix, Gmail, Instagram, YouTube) I didn’t recognise the handle.  I feel like I’ve regressed a bit in the months since this has happened, getting pangs of disappointment anytime someone tagged ‘Danielle’ into a post or a photo because this isn’t me.  There is power in a name and I don’t accept this one.

I’m the tip of the iceberg really, I’m not trying to hide my identity from anyone but some people are.  There are those who need to use fake names or pseudonyms to protect themselves and their families from abuse, those who have a name that will not fit with their gender, irrespective of how they choose to identify themselves or perhaps a burlesque performer, fabulous drag queen, a teacher who doesn’t want the kids they teach to harass them or just someone who really f**king hates their name! 

There is a movement which has been created in retaliation to Facebooks detrimental ‘Authentic Name’ policy, organising protests, collecting user stories (#MyNameIs) and have penned an open letter to Facebook asking them to review their policy which is damaging vulnerable people.

It’s an ordeal to get a response from Facebook, let alone procedures for consistency.  It’s like they have been briefed to antagonise and victimise Facebook Users as much as possible before simply ignoring any further attempts to supply proofs, suspending your account with no hope of revival. Hence I’m 3 profiles deep, one under my Government approved name, one suspended and one currently open for now.  I have officially changed my name by deed poll and am in the process of changing my government IDs to reflect this.  The one good thing about this ordeal, it has forced me to realise how much I have grown in the past decade and how significant Danger is to me.  Gone are the days of longing to introduce myself as Danger but getting shy and reverting to Dani or apologising for the weird name I just muttered at you.  Humans I hold dear to me know the score believe in who I am and support me with this stubborn, crazy decision. 

For the record, I don’t except people to suddenly start calling me Danger, but if you want to I won’t mind one little bit.


Beat downs suck! I know from experience there are different levels of beaterings but today I want to talk about the extremely painful, full on terrifying and mind altering ones which might only last a few long minutes but let me tell you the memory doesn’t fade as quickly.

Note I’d take this kind of beat down any day of the week…

When you’re pushing your paddling abilities beatdowns are surely an inevitable part of this process, but at what point do we stop?  Do they keep on getting increasingly worse and more beatery until you aren’t around to beater anymore? Am I being really dramatic about our water based pastime?

My latest beatdown on a 0.9 Falls of Leny which was, in short, a lapse in judgement followed by a complete freeze up, resulting in a 40 second pin on the right hand side with water pouring over my head, thankfully able to breathe.  I had time to look into the concerned yet calm faces of my pals before I started to unpin, dislodged and hurtled into a violent cartwheel out on my head, hitting it so hard I saw stars and my vision started to get dark.  Having never been knocked out or fainted before I don’t have any point of reference but I knew I couldn’t afford another knock to the head so pulled the deck believing in that moment being unconscious out of my boat would be better than inside upside down.  I ended up clinging to some rocks again wondering what the hell I’d been thinking about while my excellent safety crew came to my aid.


Almost knocked out but awesome cartwheel Bro…

I think it takes your brain a little bit longer to catch up after, going to work on Monday in a sort of numb shuffle, but amongst all of the emotions of disappointment, vulnerability and frustration are other feelings.  Feeling lucky that I can keep myself relatively calm in these situations, feeling proud that I have such amazing friends who will always have my back as best they can in these situations and feeling thankful that I’m still here to sulk over my beaterings!


I do, however, always try and take the positive out of situations and this is no different.  Right off the bat myself and my crew found out first hand that hey, if you completely fuck up and go down the wrong line on the falls with zero speed…you can pin!  I have still so much more to learn and sometimes being reminded to make better decisions, work harder to understand what you’re experiencing inside your head before tackling the rapid, whether you should leave it for another day, plan for the bad lines, freezing mid paddle stroke and think about your ability to get yourself out if shit turns nasty.


(c) Avid Liongoren

I think it’s important to get back on the horse in these situations and as usual I was out the next day, trying to put things into perspective and not to dwell on the what could have beens because Yes, I know it could’ve been much worse but it was bad enough thank you very much.  I choose to learn from these mistakes and make sure as I move forward with my paddling I’m building on the skills that will help to keep me safer and hopefully avoid situations like this in the future.

That time I painted a bike

I bought my Fixie from Edinburgh Bike Co-op for a bit of a steal.  It’s a heavy bike but I have my cycle-cross for going fast and had been talking about fixed gear for an age.  I must have had the bike for about 9 months, riding it a handful of times before deciding to repaint and rebuild.


I had no real idea on how to proceed at first so began happily pinning and researching through Pinterest and the wonderful web, had enough inspiration and went for it!

 First up I stripped the bike down to the frame and chain, greased any open or vulnerable parts (threads in the bottom bracket, head tube, seat tube) and masked off bits I didn’t want to get any paint in.  I then roughly sanded down the frame by hand which took a wee while but I was really aiming to remove all the lacquer and then a little bit further.  I probably should have done more but basically got the frame and forks to the point all the lacquer was off and the paint lightly removed, rubbing it down with a damp cloth to remove any residue.  I know other ways are using paint stripper but I wanted to avoid using chemicals when a bit of elbow grease would do just as well.

cropped frame.jpg

I then sprayed the frame and forks with white primer, leaving 15 mins to dry between coats.  After the 3rd coat I lightly sanded down before adding the final coat and let it dry (which was when I ran out of primer).   I then added some off set masking tape to one of the bottom brackets as I was adding fluro pink to parts of the bike and wanted a bit of a ‘outside the lines’ look.  I proceeded to spray the seat stem, part of the back bracket and forks with Halfords own Fluorescent Pink, leaving to dry between coats as before.  I left this overnight and began the hard work the next day

 This part took roughly 50+ hours over 6 weeks.  I was sitting from 30 mins to 4 hours if I got into the groove, in the spare room, with a yoga mat, tea or beer and a couple of lamps if it was dark, listening to audio books and using my ‘Fixie of Dreams’ Pinterest board for inspiration.  I used POSCA pens which were incredible to use, a paint brush to blend or thin the paint, a pencil to sketch out bits I was too scared to freehand and an industrial black sharpie for the leopard printing.

The tense part came when it was time to lacquer my handiwork.  I had intensely tested the lacquer by applying a large amount to a scrap of metal I’d drawn on and it had bled, however, multiple layers of thin, even layers didn’t cause any bleeding and after about layer 3 or 4 I was able to spray freely.


I finished the Fixie off with a Brooks saddle, some lush sky blue Ergon GA2 Grips and some fluro Spokin Thunderbolts and Stars. I’m really stoked with the outcome, finally seeing something artistic through to the end and as a result, enjoy riding this bike about 60% more!  It’s like being a kid again, blasting around, bunny hopping and skidding, saving up to add different parts to the bike and make it even more RAD!

If you have any questions on the project please leave me a comment as I actually love talking about it!

Kayaking the Alps 2016

Well, what can I say?!  After months of preparing for Kayaking in the French Alps, it’s now over and I’m sitting in a car, chocked full of the cold, heading back for the ferry from Calais.


Despite being hit with the cold 3 days in, I managed most of the trips, taking a full day off at my worst, but back on the river the next day, taking things slow.

The experience of kayaking a river I’ve never paddled before is always an exhilarating and challenging one, however, kayaking a new river in the Alps is rather more intense!  The selection of rivers I paddled ranged from Grade 2 to 4+, keeping the boat pointing forward in fast flowing bends in picturesque gorges on the Upper Guisaine, boofing over intimidating pour overs, catching eddies when and wherever possible to let my heart return to my chest on the Braincon Gorge…there were so many amazing rivers!
My stand out moments of huge achievement or an audible whoop of elation (apart from meeting a baby donkey and all the cows with bells on!):


1.My capsize then roll into a hole, then rolling back out of it.. without a nose clip
2. Running the Upper Guisaine a second time and feeling totally comfortable, in control and snapping into eddies whenever I wanted
3. Getting half way down the Braincon Gorge, realising I got this shit, and laughing manically because I was enjoying myself so much.
4. Finally feeling the sensation of being thrown up and over a wave while ferry gliding across the Rabioux Wave…it was freaking awesome!
5. Everything about the Ubaye Race Course. It was huge volume waves and boiling eddie lines but I kept cool and in control.


I’ve gained so much in the week we’ve been here.  It’s given me much to work on but has also proved without a doubt that I am hugely capable, the months of pushing myself was totally worth it and that I should most definitely trust my abilities with far more conviction than I do.

Until next time France.